Monthly Archives: May 2010

Would You Rather: Be Serenaded by a Unicorn or Boyz II Men…or BOTH?

I just received the most amazing email in the history of emails. No lie. Evidence below:

Hey Lizzie,

I just sent you a serenade from Juicy Fruit’s Serenading Unicorn that’s guaranteed to sweeten your day. From his mythological lips to your heart, this song goes out to you.

Watch your sweet serenade at: http://www.SerenadingUnicorn.com

Yes, I was sent a link to a serenading unicorn. And what song was waiting for me on the other side? None other than “On Bended Knee” by Boyz II Men. It was absolutely glorious. I laughed. I cried. I cried from laughing so hard. There truly are no other words, you’ll just have to watch it for yourself: www.serenadingunicorn.com.

Thank you Juicy Fruit for making my afternoon. I owe you.

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Worst Party Crasher Ever

CHARLESTON, W.Va. (AP) – Dunbar police say an intoxicated man interrupted a memorial service at a funeral home before passing out in the visitation room.

Police arrested 45-year-old Gary Whitten of Charleston inside the Keller Funeral Home on Sunday. Officers say no one in attendance knew the man.

A breath test found Whitten’s blood-alcohol level to be 0.17 percent.

Kanawha County Magistrate Court records show Whitten was released on bond Monday after being charged with public intoxication, obstructing an officer, resisting arrest, assaulting a police officer and refusing to provide fingerprints.

So aside from the fact that this gentleman is the worst party (question mark?) crasher ever, I have to believe there’s no place I’d rather pass out than the visiting room at a funeral home. I’ve only been to one funeral home, but from what I remember there were coloring books, comfy couches, cookies/cannolis, mountain dew, and a shit ton of people doting on me and my brothers. I’m not sure about you, but that sounds like a pretty fantastic place to rest your eyes with your shoes on…

MMango: This guy is a fuckin lightweight. Seriously Gary- only a 0.17? I drive my Nana to church after registering a 0.17. Learn how to drink before you start goin all Kanye in a funeral home

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“Have you heard of this guy (points to picture of Steven Spielberg)?”

Just rocked some serious Ahi tuna tacos and a habanero mango margarita from Ole in Inman Square, Cambridge and I have to confess…the spicy mango margarita was exactly what I had been looking for. This drink made me sweat like an Inner Circle song; I felt like I was 6 years old and I kind of liked it.


Oh and as for the title of this post? I had a toothless (legit) gentleman seated on the stool next to me ask me that question tonight. In the moment of speechlessness following his question, Spielberg’s doppeleganger walked up to the bar. I left before Toothless Tim, armed with a pen in one hand and the book in the other, could ask for his autograph.

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Look what you did, you little jerk!

Italy has decided to launch a new ad campaign to discourage knocked-up women from drinking.

"when mom drinks, baby drinks too"

The ads will appear on buses, billboards and in the women’s bathrooms of bars, restaurants and nightclubs.

Seriously? In the bathroom at bars/nightclubs? Way to discourage any/all women from ever drinking a mixed drink again.  After seeing that ad, I’m sticking to shots. There’s no way a baby would fit in a shot glass.

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We’re one in the same

Just like me, WordPress has no filter. After gaining the honor of becoming an admin on this glorious blog, I received this email notification:

Howdy,

You’ve been invited to Mixed Drinks, Hungover Thoughts at https://mdht.wordpress.com as an administrator.

If you don’t care, just ignore this email.  🙂

Cheers,
WordPress.com

Now I can’t speak for everyone, but the “If you don’t care, just ignore this email” line is epic. Basically, they’re telling me, “We know you’re super cool, so if this blog is not up to your standards, then we’re sorry for bothering you with this petty email”. But oh no WordPress, you have it all wrong. MDHT is hot shit-  it’s steaming baby!

..but you already know this because you’re here reading. So go out and preach the good word.

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(Belated) Mango Monday: Karma

I come from a large family. We’re loud; we like to drink; and (I think) we’re pretty fucking funny. So as a result, I’ll be posting a compilation of IM convos with my cousin from the previous week. Since this blog started on a Tuesday, I’m writing an honorary post so you won’t miss any of MMango’s verbal (written?) gold…

MMango: i had a revelation while sitting on the can today
MMango: Karma is going to beat the fuck out of me whenever it decides to hit
elizadeath: why’s that?
elizadeath: and i love that this came to you on the shitter
MMango: best ideas come there
MMango: i hooked up with a girl this weekend who has a bf
MMango: like wtf is wrong with me
elizadeath: hahahahahahahaaha
elizadeath: you are ridiculous
MMango: thats like #20 for me
MMango: which is why i say, im gonna get fucked over by karma
MMango: im going to fall in love, get married, have kids, and then my wife is going to be sleeping around, and fuck everything up and im gonna have to get a divorce and take the kids
MMango: lmaooooooo worst case scenario
MMango: (this whole scenario came to my while hanging out on the toilet)
elizadeath: you are totally worst case right now
MMango: bc nothing bad has happened bc of me doing it
MMango: so im assuming its going to just keep building up
MMango: lol i can only laugh at it for now, but now you are my witness
MMango: when something terrible happens in relation to this, i want you not to console me, but say – Karma’s a Bitch
MMango: and if you need to follow it with a slap across the face for dramatic effect, i’ll understand

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Would you sing ‘Poker Face’ as a duet with your mom?

So I just finished watching tonight’s episode of Glee and I only have one question: if you had just reunited with your biological mother and you only had one song to sing with her before she peaced out, what song would you choose?

Maybe I’m in a taco and tequila daze, but I’m going to go ahead and say “Poker Face” by Miss Gaga would not be my first choice. There’s definitely  a part of me that’s leaning towards the sappy/cheesy side, i.e. “Hello” by Lionel Richie (except for the whole “I’ve kissed your lips a thousand times…”), yet I have a sneaking suspicion that I’d want to bust out with a classic duet; something by Hall & Oates, Salt N’ Pepa, K-Ci and Jo Jo,  or Sonny and Cher.

I just don’t think I could look at my mom and say, “I’ll get him hot, show him what I’ve got.” Just saying…

And for a related tangent (since the video from Glee isn’t up yet):

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