Who you gonna call? SURF NINJAS!

Yahoo. com — A ferocious tsunami spawned by one of the largest earthquakes on record slammed Japan’s eastern coast Friday, killing hundreds of people as it swept away ships, cars and homes while widespread fires burned out of control.

Hours later, the tsunami hit Hawaii but did not cause major damage. Warnings blanketed the Pacific, putting areas on alert as far away as South America, Canada, Alaska and the entire U.S. West coast. In northeastern Japan, the area around a nuclear power plant was evacuated after the reactor’s cooling system failed.

The magnitude-8.9 offshore quake unleashed a 23-foot (seven-meter) tsunami and was followed for hours by more than 50 aftershocks, many of them of more than magnitude 6.0.

My heart breaks for the people of Japan — I can’t even imagine that kind of devesation. I mean, there’s a reason why I live in the Northeast; we’re immune to most natural disasters. I won’t pretend to be an expert on how they should handle this situation but there is one thing I do know…the American Red Cross and celebrity-fueled relief efforts aren’t going to help. Yeah, that’s right. No, no Red Cross — you stay home. Japan needs the Surf Ninjas.  I’m telling you — I just watched that movie on HBO Family the other day and I’m 98% confident they’d be the right guys to clean up this mess. I mean, they could just come riding in on those huge Tsunami waves and use their Sega Game Gear to save the fucking day. Am I right or am I right?

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