Monthly Archives: April 2011

Weekend Video: Mo Money Mo Problems

So tomorrow I’m headed to a Golf themed pub crawl. I plan on going HAM with my outfit with the argyle and a bowtie. I’ll be sure to share pictures.. if someone else has a camera.. and then somehow I’m able to find those pictures. That being said, I could only think of one video that incorporated golf, and that’s my middle school anthem Mo Money Mo Problems.

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I’ll have my dirty martini with a side of Jesus Henry Christ

It’s a rarity when you get to drink in a movie theatre. There’s one near my home in New Hampshire that serves Cosmos with chicken tenders. It’s bizarre but amazing. Anyways. I was thrilled the other night because at Tribeca Film Festival screening of Jesus Henry Christ, I not only had a stacked open bar (what up Stoli Blueberry and Sprite!) BUT I was able to transfer my beverages to a plastic cup so I could continue to booze it up while watching the film.

Naturally I decided to order a Dirty Martini (extra olives, duh) as my “to-go” drink. It was delightful and so much better than my sneaky nips/Fuze combo for the midnight viewing of Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never with my roommie. Yes, I saw Never Say Never in theatres. The point is this: alcoholic beverages are so much more enjoyable when you don’t have to pretend it’s only juice you’re drinking. Am I right or amiright?

That being said, the movie was phenomenal. I laughed out loud…a lot. And I wasn’t the only one (so either we were ALL bombed or the movie was legit enjoyable). Fingers crossed it gets mass distribution…if only for the fact that I can say I saw it before all of you. Jokes! Kind of…

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Monkeytail beards. Why?

So apparently monkeytail beards are becoming cool… and if by cool, they mean, never getting laid again or ever be taken seriously again, then yes it’s very cool. Who would want to put their face through this sort of torture? Some facial hair can be fun… like any mustache… but then you have styles like soul patches and now monkeytail beards which tip the scale. Can someone do these guys a favor and toss em a Mach3 now!

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Is this the most uncomfortable bus ride ever?

kid on the left looks thrilled

So I was coming home from work last night and encountered this scene on the bus. What you don’t see is that there are clearly other seats available. Unfortunately this guy felt it was completely necessary to cram himself between two people who were comfortably seating. What really gets me is how he’s only using the half cheek technique. At this point if you’re gonna take the middle seat, own it. Get your full Easter ham ass cheeks parked on that sucker and post up.

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Why do people dress up their dogs??

This poor, poor dog. I mean, talk about torture. This pup is running around like a gazelle with a wiffle ball bat stuck up its ass. Meanwhile, asshole #1 is teasing it with treats and asshole #2 is filming the whole ordeal. Now cue the critics who say “it’s not cruelty that the dogs will get used to the shoes, just like humans did”. Well until the dog gets a job, starts paying rent and picks up its own shit, I say take the shoes and sweaters off and go play fetch.

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Beware: awkward moment ahead!

There’s honestly nothing to say here other than this: the folks at Cracked are pure geniuses. I LIVE for awkward moments (even ask MMango…he’ll tell you about the 3 years I consistently put my finger to my nose to signal an “awkward moment”) and below are some beautifully created warning signs for common awarkward moments. Enjoy. I did.

"your chair makes a fart noise. you are not among friends."

 

“saying goodbye and then walking in the same direction”

 

“you go in for a hug, he goes in for a handshake”

 

'nuff said.

If you don’t go HERE to read more, then you should click the link below. Seriously. Do it. You’ll pee yourself a little and enjoy it.

http://www.cracked.com/article_19188_19-warnings-signs-common-awkward-moments.html

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Real Music?

Holy shit, I might cry.. how do 36 people agree with this statement. The only commendable point of this argument is that he didn’t mention Creed. God help us all.

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Hungover? or still drunk?

So I went to the Talib Kweli concert last night with a few friends. It was great time, show was awesome, but that’s beside the point. Right now, I’m sitting at my desk contemplating whether I’m hungover, tired, or still drunk. Now each option has backup.

Hungover

I feel like I’m hungover because I’m pretty sure my brain is trying to escape from my temples. Throbbing, dull pains are crippling my mind.

Overtired

I can’t see my eyelids, but I’m pretty sure there are bags of concrete weighing them down. I can barely keep them open and I’m sure I look like Steve Buschemi right now. I only got a couple of hours of sleep last night

Still Drunk

I really think I fall into this category. I have a half smile that won’t go away and I can still taste PBR even thought I brushed, flossed and mouthwashed this morning. I’m laughing excessively at bad jokes. Booze is emanating from my pores and when I work out tonight people will definitely smell Jack and Cokes.

On second thought, it might be a combination of all three by the way I’m blabbering right now. Help.

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