How to cure a hangover

This is the IM I received from MMango this morning:

MMango: hungover
MMango: im doing lizzie duty right now

Yes, I’m the resident alcoholic in my family/circle of friends. I IM MMango on a fairly regular basis with a similar IM (except it’s usually “ugh. so hungover right now. can’t work.”). Anyways. Since MMango is suffering from what I like to simply refer to as “a case of serious dehydration,” here are my personal ways to cure a hangover.

Case #1: The Lightweight

You drank enough light beer to get yourself silly but not overly obnoxious. Great time last night but you’re not feeling 100% in the morning. No worries. Get yourself a bacon, egg, and cheese (or not if you’re a lactard like myself), a cup of coffee and quit your bitching because this isn’t really a hangover. Finish that off with a tall glass of water and pull yourself together…otherwise you’ll never be invited out again.

Case #2: The Bender

Open bar. Liquor flowing. You’re getting down on the dance floor like a motherfucking fool. It’s the recipe for a perfect night and a disastrous morning. No worries. If you’re a seasoned alcoholic and planned beforehand, you would have scarfed down a burger or a couple slices before going to bed. If not, you’re an idiot…but that’s fine. Just grab 1 large coffee (perk you up a little), 1 coconut water (I’m a fan of Zico’s new Limon Citron…or whatever it’s called), 1 greasy omlet (easy on the toppings — stick with 2 MAX), and 1 bagel. Just fill your belly up and sip that coco water. You should be ready to participate in meetings around 11 (or at least smell a little less like last night and a little more like the diner across the street).

Case #3: The Time Traveler’s Best Friend

You completely blacked out. You were a hot mess and weren’t even fun to be around because your friends had to drag your ass home and put you to bed. You probably were very emotional and maybe even got your nose pierced. C’est la vie. So what are you going to do? Nothing. Seriously. Just grab a couple ginger ale’s, a gaterade, and a box of saltines and act like you’ve got the flu.

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One thought on “How to cure a hangover

  1. You forgot the ol’ hair of the dog method, aka drink MORE.
    I suggest the breakfast coffee at MOTO, a shot of espresso in a Guinness.

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