Monthly Archives: July 2011

Buckets o’ craft beer solve everything

Yesterday morning I got an email from one of the big guys at work saying that there had been some kind of water leak on the floor above us but that the damage was limited. Unfortunately, the limited area included my cube.

When I arrived, this is what I walked into:

To say that yesterday was a bad day would be an understatement. So how did I make it better?

A trip to the Blind Pig on 14th and 3rd for a bucket of craft beer which included summertime favorites like this:

and this!

And at the end of the night, only a graveyard of deliciousness remained…

So if you’re ever having a bad day, head to your nearest watering hole come hell or high watermelon and get your nude beach on. It’s the only solution.

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Megamind does the Dougie

Well I’m pretty sure all of the regular readers know that I love the Dougie and all videos of people doing the dougie. Well, [nerd alert] I was watching Megamind last night, which by the way was awesome, and practically spit out my drink right as the movie ended. In the last scene, Megamind starts playing Michael Jackson’s bad and pulls out his best dance moves – typical Disney/Pixar/DreamWorks moving ending. HOWEVER, I had to rewind because I couldn’t believe my eyes when the dance sequence started. Someone hit Megamind with a swag injection, because he starts off his dance with a dougie, goes right into a stanky leg, and then a few seconds later starts doing the jerk!

Someone at DreamWorks is a closet dancer.

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Get your nails did: neon orange nails

So I got my nails did last night. I hardly ever get manis because, well, women can be terribly catty and bratty in the salon. Case and point: this one chick was literally directing/yelling at the woman who was pampering her feet. I wanted to tell the bitch to chill out but decided against it. Anyways, as everyone was getting their “Ballet Slippers” on [read: light pink/nude nail polish], I decided to be a little unconventional and get the “retina-searing” (@erinkeaveney’s words, not mine) Essie Mini Shorts aka neon orange.

My friend Geronimo called them “Fordham Road ready.”

So I guess I need to know: are they hot or not? I think the neon trend is blazing right now and I’m all about it. If you feel otherwise, feel free to share below.

As of now, I’m saying this trend is HOT.

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Nick brings back 90’s programming proving, once again, that it really is All That — It turns out Teen Nick wasn’t lying when it claimed The 90s Are All That: Ratings are in for Monday night’s first broadcast of the cabler’s new late-night block of late-century Nick sitcoms (All That, Clarissa Explains It All, etc.), and Vulture is officially declaring them incredibly impressive. Among viewers 18–34, the demo Teen Nick is targeting in late-night, The 90s attracted ratings roughly 850 percent higher than the channel’s previous time-period average in the midnight-to-2 a.m. block.

Is anyone shocked? I mean really. Such a genius idea. I have no idea why it took the execs at Nick so long to figure out this no brainer/required a team of interns completing a summer project to get this ball rolling. Honestly, I can’t remember a time out with my friends where there hasn’t been at least one 90’s Nick programming or general nostalgic comment made (“you’re killing me, Smalls” being a daily utterance by yours truly).

Welcome back, quality television programming. You’ve been missed. My fingers are crossed that they’ll keep adding to the schedule and fold classics like Hey Arnold!, Legends of the Hidden Temple, and Rugrats into the mix.


MMango: Roundhouse? Please tell me they have Roundhouse!! Oooh what about Are you afraid of the dark?? That show used to make me shit my pants when I was 9. I’d leave the room and tell everyone it wasn’t scary when really I was just too scared to be in the room while the show was on.

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Best ad placement ever?

Product and ad placements can always be interesting. Sometimes they’re done well, sometimes terribly bad, and sometimes they’re just poorly placed. Well, there is certainly another gem to be added to the “poorly placed” category, but the real question is: Is this the best worst placed ad ever? Take a look and let me know what you think?


There’s no way this snuck by the editor. Someone was trying to have a little fun… no pun intended.


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Everything I need to know I learned in Bikram

Fuck kindergarten. Everything I need to know, I learned last night in Bikram. Yes, I practice Bikram aka hot yoga. Just call me a fucking yogi. Satisfied? Good.

Anyways, usually its too fucking hot in the room (think 120 degrees) for me to even think about anything other than my swamp body (like swamp ass but over your entire body) but the instructor kept it at a very comfortable 107…which allowed me to think about everything around me. So in that 90 minutes of meditative bliss aka let-me-just-drop-a-few-more-pounds-before-i-have-to-put-a-bathing-suit-on-this-weekend I realized that everything I need to know, I learned in Bikram:

1. Incompentent people should be burned…or something (this was a carry over of my work frustrations…but I came to the burning solution while my own skin was on fire). And yes, I’m referring to a modern day witch hunt of complete and total fucktards.

2. Back hair is never acceptable. Patches of back hair is downright offensive.

3. Positive reinforcement from an authority figure doesn’t make you work harder but it sure does put a smile on your face and temporarily makes you feel real fucking good.

4. Presenting your ass to someone is no longer a relevant or acceptable pick-up tactic.

5. Washing your nether regions is crucial to preventing overall smelliness — I’m looking at you Indian man in the third row. I could smell your balls 2 rows up.

6. Anorexia is a phase every New Yorker is supposed to go through.

7. Get naked whenever possible.

I think that just about covers it (I mean, it was only 90 minutes and I WAS concentrating on balancing in the various awkward poses). But if there are any other yogis out there that can share their own learnings, feel free to email me at or comment below!

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Shark Week is almost here!


Five more days until the best week of the year: Shark Week!  It’s so weird because even after 25 years, Shark Week is still so highly rated and highly anticipated. What’s even better about this year is its hosted by Elizadeath’s bff Andy Samberg! Five more days until shark attack survival stories, jumping sharks, 30ft shark, and best of all, shark dicks!! Sunday, July 31st 9pm. Be there.

It's a motherfuckin' shark dick!!

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This baby does NOT want to be baptized

"Oh helllll no"


Being baptized as a baby must be the most be the biggest shocker. I mean one minute you’re all dressed nice in a white gown, shitting your pants, listening to some church hymns being held by your momma and a split second later, you’re stripped down naked in front of a crowd of people and getting slam dunked into a bucket of water while everyone cheers. I guess baptism really is life changing…



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