A weekend of no regrets

So I know it’s Thursday and I probably should have posted this recap from last weekend on Monday maaaaaaybe even Tuesday but fuck it; it’s been a busy week and shit’s been weird. Plus I’m still playing out a lot of what went down.

For those who were not in Boston/a member of my family, last weekend was a celebratory weekend across the board. I was Boston-bound for a friend’s wedding on Saturday but also had the luxury of enjoying a night out in my old hood with MMango on Friday night and a friend’s 21st birthday Saturday night (after the wedding).

I could bore you with all the details of the weekend but feel like pictures and the lessons learned should satisfy you.

Friday night at the Thirsty Scholar with MMango:

Please note that our booze total is exactly double our food total. Just a casual cousin dinner.

Saturday night:

Lessons from attending a wedding stag:

  • Staying sober enough to drive home at a top-shelf open bar wedding is difficult but surprisingly not as bad you’re imagining. Stick with wine (2 glasses) and double fist with club soda – the bubbles confuse people and they think you’re a total alcoholic (score!).
  • Make sure you don’t talk TOO much with male friends you haven’t seen in a while. Their young girlfriends will get really angry with you and cause a scene via a public fight with said male friends/their boyfriends
    • Sub note: make sure you look really good when you’re flying solo to a wedding. Tight dress. Tits out. Slut makeup on.
  • Always dance when asked – even if that means saying yes to a 50 year old gay man who’s got the worst case of noodle legs on the dance floor you’ve ever seen.
  • Leave before the last song finishes. It makes it less painful when you see all the couples leaving together for their hotel rooms (I know that sounds really emo but I’m not sure how else to detail this without being dramatic. Deal with it.)

Lessons from attending a 21st birthday in Boston AFTER attending a wedding:

  • Bars in Boston should never charge a cover…unless there’s an AMAZING DJ or a live band.
    • Sub note: if possible, always try to make it look like you’re getting escorted to the front of the line in front of your family/friends (who are inside the bar looking out).
  • Pack sandals
  • Dance until you puke
  • Have a sandwich/Morrisey dance party when you get home from a long night out. Follow that up with an episode of Planet Earth on mute with an appropriately accompanied soundtrack, e.g. Explosions in the Sky, Joanna Newsom, Arcade Fire, etc.

And I think that just about does it. Just make sure you don’t get stuck next to a woman who smokes a pack and a half on your train ride home. It will most definitely induce nausea.

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