Monthly Archives: September 2011

As if the Shake Weight wasn’t questionable enough…

…they’ve now created something even more homoerotic to get your workout on.

Happy Friday and happy jerking off, kids!

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Which animal has the better haircut?

I was searching through some animal pictures and came across these two gems of animals with intense hairdos. I’m really stuck on the fence here, I can’t decide who did it better. Tell me who you think!?

Emo Bunny?

OR

Hamster with a Combover

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Best cereal commercial ever

I don’t even eat cereal cause I’m a lactard…but this commercial makes me want to dive face first into a kiddie pool of Weetabix and milk!

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Hedo Rick rippin’ and tearin’

If you ever wanted to know how a 50+ year old man smashes genitals:

That, my friends, is invisible fucking.

I honestly don’t know how he didn’t break both his hips. It’s truly a miracle.

 

MMango: I think me and Rick should team up… we could do some damage

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Saddest Support Group Ever? or about to be the Best Party Ever?

How bad must it suck if you show up to this support group with one of those shitty blow up dolls when someone else walks in with a high quality plastic sex machine. It’s like when you walked into school and everyone has a Tamagotchi and you’re sitting there with your pet rock. Real fun, let me tell you.

Is that my neighbor in the middle row?

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Just dance, gonna be OK

So the other night I participated in a work dance off. Yes, that’s right…a work. dance. off. You can be jealous.

I’m not really sure how to explain the entire situation because to be honest, it was so surreal. First off, I walk into the office where the “competition” is being held and it’s full on club scene (see exhibit A):

Yeah, that’s an ad agency’s office.

Anyways. What happened next was a complete and total black out (probably because I threw back 2 cocktails to get prepped for the dancing and then had to dance for 60 seconds in front of about 100 strangers). My only recollection are my texts with MMango:

Elizadeath: I don’t think I won. I went up against break dancers and my track was “I Feel Good” by James Brown. Had to wedding dance

MMango: Hahahahahaha unfair advantage. That’s a break dancer’s dream song. If it was S&M then it would’ve been game over

(10 minutes later)

Elizadeath: Well I just had to dance in the semi-final round nd levity just walked over a girls fance when she was dancing on the ground (editor’s note: yes, that is what i wrote. stupid auto correct…)

MMango: Wait, what?

Elizadeath: Bahahah I’m in the semi final round. And I had to do a dance off with another chick. She got down on the floor to do a move and I just walked over her, toe to head.

MMango: Hahahahahahahaha

Elizadeath: I can’t believe I just did that. Well, didn’t win first…but I won a case of Smirnoff…that’s 12 bottles

Then this is the email my coworker sent as a follow up to work folks who were not in attendance:

Hi team – yesterday, [Elizadeath] and I joined the other agencies at the JWT office for a Smirnoff Nightlife Exchange inspired dance off. While I totally chickened out (although I was forced to dance to “Girls Just Want to Have Fun”), [Elizadeath] took to the stage and gave a rocking performance to James Brown’s “I Feel Good” [photos 1 and 2]. After dancing out the competition, she was called back to the semi-final round and competed in a battle dance against another staff member [photo 3].

While she didn’t win the grand prize of tickets to the event and to meet Madonna [which she’ll do anyway  :)], she was first runner up and won a CASE of Smirnoff!!!

Dance chops?! We got ‘em!

“ Great stuff from [you guys] last night at the dance off!” – CLIENT

Photo 1:

Photo 2:

Photo 3:

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I found my calling.

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R.I.P. Heidi The Cross-eye Opossum

BBC – Heidi the famous cross-eyed opossum has died in the German zoo where she lived, aged three-and-a-half. She was really ill because of her old age and was put to sleep by vets at the zoo.

 

Moment of silence please for Heidi. This cross-eyed opossum reminds me of a joke I heard one time. For it’s euloogy, I’d to tell that joke:

One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock when he noticed that one of his cows was completely cross-eyed. He called up a veterinarian friend of his who told him to bring in his cow. The vet took one look at the cow, stuck a tube up the cow’s butt, and blew into the tube until the cow’s eyes straightened out. The vet charged the farmer a hundred bucks, and the farmer went home happy. About a week later, the cow’s eyes were cross-eyed again, but this time the farmer figured he could probably take care of it himself. So he called his hired hand over, and together they put a tube up the cow’s butt. The farmer put his lips to the tube and started to blow. Strangely, nothing happened, so he asked his hired hand to give it a try. The hired hand removed the tube, turned it around, put it in the cow’s butt and started to blow.
“What are you doing?” asked the farmer, horrified.

“Well, I wasn’t gonna use the side that YOU had put your lips on.”

 

RIP Heidi, I hope your eyes get fixed up in opossum heaven.

 

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