What lunch bag goodies would you trade for a blunt?

CLINTON, Conn. — Police say a 33-year-old man sent along a little something extra in his 18-month-old son’s lunch box this week: a marijuana cigarette.

Clinton police arrested John Sulzbach of Killingworth after workers at the Clinton Child Care Center reported finding the pot in the child’s food container on Thursday, NBCConnecticut.com reported. The child is 18 months old, police said.

The cigarette was accidentally dropped in the food container while Sulzbach made the child’s lunch the night before, police said. (via MSNBC.com)

I know this kid is only 18 months old and probably had no idea what kind of lunchroom power he was given when his dad accidentally dropped a “marijuana cig” in his son’s lunchbox, but this blunt is literally the ultimate trading tool. I mean, trading food for food (or pogs) seems like a total joke when compared with a blunt. So that got me thinking: what items in your elementary/middle school lunchbox would you trade for this kid’s wacky tabacky*??

  • Jello — YES…and why is this even in here? Although if we’re talking Snack Packs, we might have to take it to the parking lot
  • String cheese — OBVIOUSLY
  • Dunkaroos — MAYBE (but I think my maybe is because they’re so limited now but those double-dipping snacks were flowing like water back in 1998)
  • Cape Cod Chips Snack Pack — OH HELL NO
  • Fruit Roll-Up / Fruit By The Foot — OVERPAYING
  • Gushers — STEP THE FUCK DOWN
  • Nutty Bars / Swiss Rolls  — DEBATEABLE…really depends on what kind of week I was having
  • GoGurt / Trix Yogurt — TAKE IT…seems too healthy, anyways
  • Lunchables — GAME TIME DECISION as I’m sacraficing my entire lunch. Guess it would depend on whether I had the cheese, meat and cracker platter (it’s all yours) or the make-your-own pizza (please don’t make me cry in the lunchroom)

*Shout out to Papa Mango for still using this term.

king of the lunchroom

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