Monthly Archives: February 2012

Dr. Urkle/Mr. Cool joins cast of Dancing With The Stars

Well I think we can all guess who the winner of  Dancing With The Stars will be this season.

No. Competition.

P.S. I LOVE how this video is titled. Simply amazing.

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Reason no. 120381 you shouldn’t do drugs

 

Like a grownup version of David After The Dentist…except exponentially more terrifying. I’m actually afraid of this kid and what he could do. Maybe it’s the reference to The Joker? For some reason, I picture him smashing my head off a table and me ending up with a pencil in my eye. Perhaps that’s just me…

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Candy bar, Girl Scout cookie fusion!

 

Where can I buy these? Forget it, just take my money now. I figure it’d take about ten minutes of having these in my had before I turned into the cookie monster.

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Someone better rethink their vanity plate selection

I’d like to preface this post with a a quick dirty joke: So a husband and wife are in bed together. The husband leans over to the wife and says “You know, I’d love a little pussy”. The wife looks back at him and says “Me too, mine’s as big as a house!” With that, I give you “Kim’s Box”

 

So let me get this straight, your box is so big that you can fit 6 guys in it at once? How have you not gotten a call from vivid yet!?

 

Shout out to Lauren for the picture

 

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Sassy Starfish don’t take no shit!

Forget honey badger; starfish don’t give a shit!

 

This is, hands down, the most hilarious picture I’ve seen on the interwebs all year. Can’t stop, won’t stop giggling.

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Who’s photobombing who in this picture?

Is Elizadeath photobombing the two dudes? OR are the two dudes photobombing Elizadeath!? This is like an MC Escher painting. I can’t tell which way is up and which is down. All I know, she is rocking some frosty ice on her wrist.

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This is exactly why I don’t go into the ocean

Fun Fact about MMango: I hate the ocean. It freaks me out. I won’t go in past my ankles… well maybe up to my waist, but that’s only if I have to pee, and then its right back to the ankles – Get off your high horse, everyone pees in the ocean.

There’s too much unknown in the ocean for me to be frolicking around in there. I’ll scream the same if I see a Great White, or if seaweed touches my toes. Anyway, just came across reason # 52624352143 why I will not go into the ocean: Bristle Worms. Here is a gallery of macro pictures of these bristle worms, or polychaetes, found on the Telegraph. Let me remind you, these things are in currently in the depths of the ocean.

fuck you.

fuck you.

fuck you.

fuck y... wait, you're cool because you kinda look like a vagina.

fuck you, i'm out

You’ll be lucky if you see me ankle deep anymore, unless I’m hammered, then all bets are off, I’ll be swimming with Killer Whales like I’m Free Willy.

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Whoever said “You are your own worst enemy…”

…Was totally telling the truth. Even your worst enemy couldn’t plan a flying drop kick that misses and knocks yourself out. Someone get this guy on suicide watch stat. I wouldn’t show my face to the public for weeks. It would just be me, a bottle of whiskey, a box of Cheez-its, and a law & order marathon for a good month or two.

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Hamster flips!

Man, hamsters are the shit. What other pet do you know takes a shit load of acid and starts doing backflips!? That is the only logical explanation here, right? I’m 99% he died right after this filming. Beside their short lifespan, hamsters are such an underrated pet.

I had two hamsters when I was younger. My first one, MC Hamster, used to use the top of his cage like monkey bars and climb everywhere. He died when he was attacked by ants that raided my basement. I must say, he was 2 legit, 2 legit to quit.. (moment of silence for the valiant warrior).

My second hamster, Hamlet, bit me twice when I was holding him. Mainly because I had just eaten a bunch of cheetos and the residue was still on my hands, so I really can’t blame him there. He liked to bob his head in and out of his hamster wheel when running. I woke up one morning, and apparently he didn’t bob fast enough, because he had a caught his head in the wheel. Boom broken neck. To die:—to sleep: No more. Act III, scene 1.

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