Monthly Archives: July 2012

This made me LOL today (7/27/12)


If I had a nickel for every time I got my dick caught in the ceiling fan… well I’d have two nickels.


via Failbook

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Scotland to legalize gay marriage

Yahoo! – Legalising gay marriage is the “right thing to do”, Scotland’s deputy first minister said as she announced that the Scottish government will introduce legislation to allow same-sex couples to marry.

Why am I not surprised that the country where men wear skirts by choice is the next place to legalize gay marriage? I’m pretty sure your entire country was built by gay men. Anyhew, good for them, hopefully more countries will be more progressive.. unlike some states in the US.

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Tree that looks like the Virgin Mary, actually looks far from a virgin


Yahoo! – Hundreds of people have been drawn to a tree in New Jersey that some say contains a striking likeness to the Virgin Mary. The tree, located in West New York, NJ, has proved so popular that the local police had to build a barrier to protect it. The phenomenon began when a woman claims the tree spoke to her, saying, “I’m the Virgin.”


Am I the only one who thinks this tree actually looks like a busted vagina? Possibly one that has seen one too many “Hail Mary passes” from the football team? I hate these religious nuts that think everything in a weird shape is somehow holy. If that’s the case, I’m sure I have a poop that I can show you that looks like baby Jesus.

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Korea is pushing a sweet new exercise toy

If you practice this while using a shake weight, you’re one step away from your perfect body and dream of being ravaged in a gang bang!

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Countdown Remake (with a Snuggie, obviously)

There are no words. This kid is absolutely amazing. If you have a dual screen computer I highly recommend watching them side-by-side. Your mind will be blown.


The original (so you can compare):


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Mashup Monday: N’Sync & Bieber

I was really hoping Elizadeath would’ve posted this gem, but I have no idea where she is today. I’m not going to try and be funny, because I know I’ll just fuck it up. So all the ladies listening, just time travel back to your 14 year old self and get ready to melt.

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CANNONBALL, Look out below!

Nothing kicks off a Monday like an overweight woman taking out a line of kids waiting for a water slide. I feel bad for the kids at the bottom of the line, but that slut who get grabbing tubby’s ass was just asking to get hurt. You mess with the bull, you’re gonna get the horns bitch.. and in this case, you mess with the ass, you’re gonna get an unintentional fatty cannonball.

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Remind me never to get bitten by a snake

Fuck out of here with that shit.  Maybe it’s just me , but I like my blood flowing through my veins like a faucet and not like its sitting at the end of Bill Cosby’s spoon. I used to be okay with snakes (except if it’s living in my car). I wouldn’t get all pussy on people like I sometimes do with spiders. But as blog as my witness, if I see a snake, I’m going straight Road Runner on those motherfuckers.

meep meep

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Why wasn’t Jason Biggs cast in Magic Mike? (Also, why am I writing about Magic Mike)

[Pause] I really do hope this was an actual audition tape. The casting director must be Helen Keller if they couldn’t recognize the promise in that audition. Those moves at the end could impregnate a virgin and make a grown man cry. I’m pretty sure I did cry. Show of hands, how many of you are wet? (My hand is raised).

Well, this is also the perfect opportunity to post the gchat conversation I had with a friend today:

 Melanie:  you could be a stripper
me Magic Mango?
 Melanie:  i went to see the movie
i think u might have what it takes
 me:  minus the 6pack abs
what do i need to do
Melanie:  hah
just dance
It’s settled , if you ladies would rather me jiggle my ass all around the stage than stare at a ripped six pack, then Magic Mango is coming to dimly lit bar near you.
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