Category Archives: eats

Roasted Starbursts… Deliciously dangerous

Picture this: It’s a warm summer night by a lake. The sky is clear and the stars are shinning bright. The waves are slowly breaking into shore providing a cool breeze. In front of you is a crackling campfire that’s producing just enough heat to warm you toes, but keep your from getting a little too toasty.You reach to your right to find a cooler full of ice cold beer. You take a sip, it’s crisp and refreshing. Now you look to your left. Who’s there? Oh hey it’s me. You smile, I smile back. At this point if you’re a chick you’ve probably fallen in love and if you’re a guy you’re definitely starting to question yourself. “What is he making in the fire,” you ask. Oh just a little campfire snack… some roasted Starburst. I remove my roasting stick from the fire and then it appears. A gooey, delicious morsel of love rises from the flames and you can’t wait to sink your teeth in. But then a drop of fiery Starburst lava drips off and lands right on my hand. FAAAAHHHHHKKKKKKKK.

Well even after burning my hand this weekend with molten Starburst – and Lemon too, it’s like the stepchild of Starbursts – I still think that this was an incredible experience. The final product contains all the goodness of eating candy without the fear of ripping out one of your fillings by the second bite. A few seconds in the flame and you’re left with a crunchy outer shell and a warm gooey inside that surprisingly doesn’t burn your mouth. I mean look at that picture above, it’s like a heated bomb pop.

I’ll leave you with this, be careful. Have a good roasting stick, pay attention, or wear one glove like the late great MJ. Otherwise you may end up with a burn that looks like an unfinished Nike swoosh.

hand burn

Just do…

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Equinox + Zagat = Genius

Seriously, why did it take so long to create this? This. Is. Genius.

Equinox and Zagat have created the first-ever health-conscious Zagat Dining Out Guide, featuring Q editor-approved restaurants across the country. Each of these restaurants is located near one of our clubs, and is a destination that upholds the Equinox Nutrition Philosophy as well as our standard of good taste. Pick up a copy at select Shop locations or view a digital teaser guide here.

Eat your heart out, homies.

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The Super Single Ladies Single Serve Coffee Cake

Ever have one of those days/weeks where you just want to exclusively wear elastic waist pants and dive head first into a fuck it bucket? Well, I’ve been experiencing that…in a major way lately. I mean, I struggled to leave my apartment to go to my best friend’s birthday brunch yesterday. Fear not, I was not an asshole. I dragged my ass to Brooklyn, had an absolutely amazing time, but when I got home all I wanted to do was indulge and be incandescently gluttonous (yes, I just typed that. Deal.)

So, in my haze of trying to eat my emotions but not lose absolute control because I’m supposed to be going on a date this week, I turned to Chocolate Covered Katie and her brilliantly-portioned “Single Serving Recipes” section. I looked in my pantry and realized I had all the fixings for “1 Minute Coffee Cake in a Mug.” Welp, coffee cake it was going to be! And since it’s me, and I love booze, I decided to mix it up a little bit to make the ultimate Single Ladies Single Serve Coffee Cake by adding Smirnoff’s new Kissed Caramel vodka.

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The result? An absolutely delightful coffee cake (for one) with a hint of caramelly goodness. The exact recipe I used is copied below, but feel free to check out CCK’s version as well.

Batter:

  • 3 tbsp all-purpose flour
  • 1/4 tsp baking powder
  • 1/16 tsp salt
  • 1 stevia packet
  • 50 mL of Smirnoff Kissed Caramel vodka
  • 2 tsp applesauce
  • 1/4 tsp pure vanilla extract

Streusel (you can double if you want to):

  • 1/8 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 and 1/4 tsp brown sugar
  • 1/2 tsp applesauce
  • tiny, tiny pinch salt
  • 3 almonds, 3 cashews chopped (what? it was all i had!)

(If using an oven, preheat to 330 F.) Combine batter dry ingredients and mix well. Add wet and mix until just mixed. In a tiny bowl, combine all streusel ingredients. Fill a greased muffin tin 1/2 way with the batter (or a ramekin or mug, if using the microwave). Sprinkle on two-thirds of the streusel, then spoon the remaining batter on top. Finally, sprinkle on the rest of the streusel. Cook 12-13 minutes in the oven, or around 1 minute in the microwave. (Microwave times may vary.)

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Ben & Jerry’s in pie form

You know you’re a fat kid when you realize your favorite flavor of ice cream is not in stock (GASP!) so you come up with a recipe that will at least satisfy your craving until the stock boy/store manager can cater to your every need.

This was what I was craving/desperately scrounging the streets of NYC for:

And this is what I made to temporarily satiate my tastebuds:

What is that, you ask? Why it’s a blueberry pie in a graham cracker shell with a topping of vanilla Greek yogurt! I doctored up the yogurt a bit by adding a little sugar, cinnamon, and egg replacer (to give it a more “whipped” texture).

It’s nowhere near as delightful as the original…but it’s good enough that I’ve already consumed more than half the pie over the course of 24 hours.

May the fat kid in me never die…

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Meow Mix totally threw me a curve ball this morning

Maybe because it was early in the morning, or maybe its because I fucking love Goldfish, but I saw this banner ad while browsing the internet and totally thought Pepperidge Farm had taken their Goldfish game to the next level and created some type of filled fish.

Alas, I got brainfucked by Meow Mix, and now I question my choices. Should I just buy a sample pack? Can humans even eat cat food? I know dog biscuits are edible. Fuck it, YOLO.

I hate myself so much that I just used YOLO, please everyone disregard that comment. fuck. 

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Is Angel Food Cake Dinner From Heaven?

Yesterday was an awful day. MMango can attest to it. I was a big time Debbie. Just moody and cranky, both in person and online. I’m pretty sure if MMango could have stuck his arm through the screen, he would have slapped me across the face…but with the back of his hand, not the front. And to make my bad mood even worse, I had a 6-month cleaning with my dentist.

I. Was. Miz.

Miz = short for miserable. Love it or leave it. I don’t care.

Anyways, as I was walking back from the dentist, proud that I passed with flying colors and won’t have endure another “deep cleaning” because I neglected to go to a dentist for two years (don’t judge, I didn’t have insurance), I decided that I would treat myself to something delightful for dinner. What a horribly wrong decision that was.

I passed pizza place after pizza place (why is there nothing but pizza on 3rd ave in the mid 30’s?) until I finally realized I was going to have to make my own delightful dinner. Too lazy to trek to Trader Joe’s and too broke to go to the organic grocery store on my block, I settled on Morton Williams. Awesome. And as I aimlessly wandered around the store, trying to decide what would be my big treat, I found myself even more confused than when I arrived. The shelf stock boys were starting to question whether or not I was a terrorist; the old women with their carts were pissed that I lapped them again and again; I was the Tasmanian Devil and I was no longer welcome.

So as I felt my time running out (before they kicked me out for creepiness) I settled on kirby cucumbers (healthy!), a red bell pepper (double healthy!), and a box of Angel Food Cake (whaaaaaaat?). I don’t know what happened. Where the fuck did that come from? Is dessert a food group? WHY DID I JUST PURCHASE A BOX OF ANGEL FOOD CAKE. I’m not lying to you when I say I’ve NEVER had angel food cake in my life. Welp, there was no turning back now. Food was purchased and my stomach was turning. I needed sustenance in the form of powder sugar and cream of tartar.

As to be expected, the baking of it was a nightmare. I don’t know if you’ve ever made angel food cake before, but shit is bananas. Like expands and grows like CRAZY (that’s what she said). I made a total mess of the kitchen but I didn’t care. If my roomie can brew beer in our kitchen, I can make messy angel food cake god dammit! And made it I did. I couldn’t even wait for the loaf to cool before cutting into it. It was still warm when I sliced it up so the pieces looked like a toddler hacked at it. I topped that shit off with a warm berry sauce (fruits! woo hoo!) and polished off the entire loaf.

Yes, the entire loaf.

So what does this rant have to do with anything? Nothing, of course. Just know this: angel food cake is not a dessert, it’s dinner from heaven. And if any of you are ever feeling as miserable as I was yesterday, I hope you’ll remember this story and immediately set-up a 1:1 with Betty Crocker. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

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Wait… what?

 

This can’t be real life. There is no possible way that Tim Tams have traces of peanuts in it. Are you kidding me?? Peanut allergies are nothing to joke about.

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Isn’t it Ironic: Woman collapses while eating Double Bypass burger at Heart Attack Grill

Yahoo – For the second time in two months a customer has collapsed at the infamous Heart Attack Grill in Las Vegas mid-meal, and been carted off to hospital.

The unlucky diner is a female Vegas resident in her 40s, who was eating a “double bypass burger,” smoking cigarettes and drinking margaritas when she collapsed on Saturday night, the owner of the Grill told ABC News.

 

Call me crazy, but you’re pretty much asking to collapse if you’re smoking cigarettes, drinking margaritas, and eating a DOUBLE BYPASS burger. You don’t see me walking into the “Get Punched in the Face Bar” and then getting pissed off when I get punched in the face. Now that being said, I don’t blame her for doing all of the above, because look at that damn picture. I would die (no pun intended) to have a burger like that. It’s just oozing greasy cheesy goodness! And don’t get me wrong, it wouldn’t hurt to have it delivered by this slut nurse waitress.

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Happy National Grilled Cheese Day!!

As most of you know, MDHT loves Grilled Cheese. Maybe because we’re always hungover, and grilled cheese sandwiches are an amazing hangover food. Anyhew, in honor of today, I’m giving you my top 3 Grilled Cheese recipes that I’ve found over the past few days. Cue the watering mouths.

The Bacon Guacamole Grilled Cheese:

Fuck my face. Someone make this and deliver to my house.
Recipe from Closet Cooking.

Buffalo Chicken Grilled Cheese:

Fuck my other face. Bring this one too.
Recipe also from Closet Cooking.

Yummy Cheesy Goodness:

Fuck my other other face.  Let’s make that delivery a triplet!
Recipe from Life’s Ambrosia.

Alright, you guys have your orders. Make me sandwiches… I’ll bring the beer.

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