Category Archives: family

Anyone looking for a new background?

Could be used for desktops, cell phones, print it out and hang it in your wall.. seriously – the possibilities are endless. 

 

background

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My Grampa’s list of hated actors

 

So I visited my 93 year old grandfather this weekend. We were sitting at his kitchen table, shooting the shit, about random things: his lack of vision, the 23 bottles of Fresca he had in his fridge, how to make the perfect tomato salad.. the normal things, when I saw this list of names. I picked it up and began to examine it and noticed all these great actor names, Clint Eastwood, Paul Newman, Bill Murray, Bruce Willis to name a few.

 

So I asked, “Hey Grampa, what is this list of actor names?”

To my astonishment, he responds, “Oh, I hate those people.”

“HATE!? Grampa, you do realize that you have Dirty Harry, Cool Hand Luke, and John McClane on this list right?

no response, no expression.

“Well then, who DO you like”

“Anyone not on this list.”

 

And that my friends, is my grandfather, 93 years old and could give a shit what anyone things. The same guy who I watched The American President on demand that day, and commented on how good Michael Douglas was.. but his father, he was a terrible actor. I love this guy. Have a great weekend everyone.

 

 

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This is how you discipline a child.

 I’m considering disciplining my children (if any) this way. I can already see myself walking around the house with the Championship belt and rubbing it in their faces. Just hopefully I don’t have two boys that turn into giant ogres because then I’d be fighting an uphill battle. “Try that shit now Dad, and you’re getting a Stone Cold Stunner right off the kitchen table.” Boom! My shit just got roasted.

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This is exactly why I want to have a kid

You tell em little girl! Fuck it. Fuck it all. Fire Pit everything. Raising children looks like it’s awesome – besides all the shitting and crying and puking and whining and pissing their pants – you get to mold these little suckers into beer fetching, nacho making, walking comedy shows. Hey sweetie, go fetch daddy a beer, a bag of Doritos, and say some funny stuff on your way.

She might be on to something though. I might start using fire pit around the office when I don’t want to do work.

“Hey MMango, what happened to those TPS reports??”

Fire Pit bitch.

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Just another thing to make you feel old

 

Actually, I’m positive our children won’t even know what either of these items are called… and THAT is scary, very very scary.

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I’m an evil, evil cousin

So Elizadeath is in Mexico right now, soaking up the warm sun, while it remains in the 40s in Boston. Naturally, I’m a little jealous, because I’d love to break out the shorts and tank tops and sip coronas on the beach. But instead, I’m still hoodied up with a cold runny nose. How does this make me an evil cousin? Well, on Friday when riding the bus home from work, this girl sat next to me with an INTENSE toe thumb. I immediately snapped a picture and texted it to Elizadeath in hopes that she received it while drinking a Mai Tai, spit out her drink, threw up everywhere, and had to be bedridden for the remainder of her trip. Okay, I really don’t hope that happens, but I hope she got a good dry heave and a laugh out of this picture, just like I did.

 

Warning. Vomit area ahead.

 

GAG!!!

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