Could be used for desktops, cell phones, print it out and hang it in your wall.. seriously – the possibilities are endless.
Correction: Worst long weekend ever.
Wait, before I write anything, I think it’s safe to say that we probably lost all of our readers. For anyone who stuck around for the YEAR hiatus, I love you. And if you send me your address, I will send you a 8×10 picture of me for your wall and a wallet sized picture of Elizadeath as a child when she was super awkward. You can reach us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Well back to my story. So this weekend proved to be a kick in the balls, after enduring a kick in the balls. Let’s start on Saturday, when I received a speeding ticket for going 40 in a 30 (which I actually think is a 35, I’m still researching). I was pulled over by a Massachusetts’ State Cop in my hometown. I wasn’t speeding, he’s wrong. Well, as soon as I pulled over, he asked me what I was hiding. Of course, I was confused and asked what he was talking about, which he then proceeded to make me get out of the car and sit on the hood while sitting on my hands, so he could search the entire car. Let’s remind everyone, I’M IN MY HOMETOWN, and I found out later, that people saw me getting searched. Awesome. Apparently I’m a thug now.
Now, we fast forward to Monday night. While on recon at the scene of the crime, I got a call from my girlfriend that I NEEDED to get home. Why you ask? Well there was water flooding in from our ceiling because our awesome neighbors left on vacation and turned their heat off. If anyone is new to Winter, here’s a quick summary: It gets cold at night and pipes freeze. When pipes freeze, they break. When they break, and it warms up, water now flows out of the broken pipes. Pretty simple right? Well apparently not for my upstairs neighbor. Now I’m running around like it’s Africa and Toto is blessing the rain‘s on all of the clothes in my closet.
After a few hours of playing musical buckets of water, the plumber and building manager finally arrive, break down the neighbor’s door and shut the water off. But now I’m left in the carnage that was my condo. Rusty (bloody) ceiling, holes in the wall and ceilings, and it looks like a murder happened on all my clothes. See below:
To top it all off, while taking picture of the damage for insurance purposes, water dripped on my cellphone promoting it to no longer allow me to hear people on the phone. At the rate I was going, I was waiting to spontaneously shit my pants. That’s about how my long weekend was going. So, I really hope Elizadeath and I can get this MDHT train rolling again, because I think it helps me keep my sanity, and right about now, sanity is all I have left.
Cute kids + Michael Jackson’s Thriller + surprise ending:
Yeah, definitely didn’t see that coming.
So I visited my 93 year old grandfather this weekend. We were sitting at his kitchen table, shooting the shit, about random things: his lack of vision, the 23 bottles of Fresca he had in his fridge, how to make the perfect tomato salad.. the normal things, when I saw this list of names. I picked it up and began to examine it and noticed all these great actor names, Clint Eastwood, Paul Newman, Bill Murray, Bruce Willis to name a few.
So I asked, “Hey Grampa, what is this list of actor names?”
To my astonishment, he responds, “Oh, I hate those people.”
“HATE!? Grampa, you do realize that you have Dirty Harry, Cool Hand Luke, and John McClane on this list right?
no response, no expression.
“Well then, who DO you like”
“Anyone not on this list.”
And that my friends, is my grandfather, 93 years old and could give a shit what anyone things. The same guy who I watched The American President on demand that day, and commented on how good Michael Douglas was.. but his father, he was a terrible actor. I love this guy. Have a great weekend everyone.
And I ran, I ran so far away… because Steven Fucking Seagal was chasing after me with his mean mug and flying ninja kicks!
Not even remotely joking. Just ask my coworkers.
considering disciplining my children (if any) this way. I can already see myself walking around the house with the Championship belt and rubbing it in their faces. Just hopefully I don’t have two boys that turn into giant ogres because then I’d be fighting an uphill battle. “Try that shit now Dad, and you’re getting a Stone Cold Stunner right off the kitchen table.” Boom! My shit just got roasted.
Is it just me, or would Elizadeath be a perfect match for this kid!? Nothing says rebounding from a hermaphrodite like dating Elizadeath. Let’s go over this kids check list with her in mind.
Model? Ehh not so much.
Fake tan? Nope, pale as a ghost.
Dark hair? Is blonde considered dark?
Cat Lover? I know she loves cats, so Mr. Whiskers will be all set!
Elizadeath, what are you waiting for?? Get your best vampire outfit on and find this guy!!