Category Archives: ripped from the headlines

Obama’s new campaign platform

(shout out to marky mark, my brother, for the image)

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Pump iron, or pump botox?

 

 

I received this LivingSocial deal today and thought this placement was pretty funny. They’re practically giving you two options. You can work out and get your body and health in shape or (cop out) pump some botox in your face and look like the second coming of Joan Rivers. I wonder how many people will skip the gym and head right to the botox?

 

If I inject botox into my dick will it… uhh nevermind.

 

 

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Tree that looks like the Virgin Mary, actually looks far from a virgin

 

Yahoo! – Hundreds of people have been drawn to a tree in New Jersey that some say contains a striking likeness to the Virgin Mary. The tree, located in West New York, NJ, has proved so popular that the local police had to build a barrier to protect it. The phenomenon began when a woman claims the tree spoke to her, saying, “I’m the Virgin.”

 

Am I the only one who thinks this tree actually looks like a busted vagina? Possibly one that has seen one too many “Hail Mary passes” from the football team? I hate these religious nuts that think everything in a weird shape is somehow holy. If that’s the case, I’m sure I have a poop that I can show you that looks like baby Jesus.

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Remind me never to get bitten by a snake

Fuck out of here with that shit.  Maybe it’s just me , but I like my blood flowing through my veins like a faucet and not like its sitting at the end of Bill Cosby’s spoon. I used to be okay with snakes (except if it’s living in my car). I wouldn’t get all pussy on people like I sometimes do with spiders. But as blog as my witness, if I see a snake, I’m going straight Road Runner on those motherfuckers.

meep meep

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Donna Summer’s Last Dance

It’s a sad day, indeed. Disco queen and legend Donna Summer has died at the age of 63. (MSNBC.com)

I remember the first day I was introduced to Donna Summer. We had just upgraded our minivan to an Expedition and my dad, always a fan of “new to you”, had purchased the truck from an incredibly flamboyant man. Needless to say, when we got the car home, not only did it come with a rainbow sticker, but left behind in the 6-CD changer was Donna Summer’s Greatest Hits. It was then and there that my love affair with disco and Ms. Summer began.

So to remember her, here’s a top 5 countdown of my favorite Donna Summer dance jams:

5. Love to Love You Baby

 

4. She Works Hard For the Money

 

3. Bad Girls

 

2. Hot Stuff

 

1. Last Dance

 

And not on the countdown, but I would be remiss if I didn’t include:

 

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R.I.P. MCA

Pitchfork – Beastie Boys MC Adam Yauch, aka MCA, has passed away due to cancer, TMZ reports. He was 47 years old.  The Beastie Boys are one of the most important and influential hip-hop groups of all time. They were instrumental in making hip-hop a global, mainstream force.

Sad news for any fan of music. The Beastie Boys revolutionized the hip-hop genre, with MCA in the forefront. He will truly be missed, but not forgotten. In true MDHT fashion… cue the playlist:

#RIPMCA

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Isn’t it Ironic: Woman collapses while eating Double Bypass burger at Heart Attack Grill

Yahoo – For the second time in two months a customer has collapsed at the infamous Heart Attack Grill in Las Vegas mid-meal, and been carted off to hospital.

The unlucky diner is a female Vegas resident in her 40s, who was eating a “double bypass burger,” smoking cigarettes and drinking margaritas when she collapsed on Saturday night, the owner of the Grill told ABC News.

 

Call me crazy, but you’re pretty much asking to collapse if you’re smoking cigarettes, drinking margaritas, and eating a DOUBLE BYPASS burger. You don’t see me walking into the “Get Punched in the Face Bar” and then getting pissed off when I get punched in the face. Now that being said, I don’t blame her for doing all of the above, because look at that damn picture. I would die (no pun intended) to have a burger like that. It’s just oozing greasy cheesy goodness! And don’t get me wrong, it wouldn’t hurt to have it delivered by this slut nurse waitress.

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Poop and Scoop for Wi-Fi

AdAge – Mexican internet portal Terra is encouraging dog owners to poop and scoop by offering them free Wi-Fi in return. The company is piloting the idea at 10 parks in Mexico City in a campaign by DDB, Mexico.

When people throw away their bags of poop in a special box in the park, the weight is calculated and Terra gives everyone free minutes of Wi-Fi in the park. The greater the weight, the more minutes are added — and everyone can enjoy a poo-free park.

 

Great idea, it really is. Nobody likes walking through a park with landmines scattered about. One minute you’re playing catch, and the next minute you’re using a tree branch to scrape wet poo from the bottom of your sneaker for 15 minutes before realizing it isn’t working. So you slide your foot back and forth on the grass, which only makes grass stick to the poop, until you get to the sidewalk and stop up and down and take off your shoe and slam it against the concrete…. Whatever, I just hope it’s not a shitty connection (zing!).

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Drunk guy sings Bohemian Rhapsody in the back of a cop car

Clap, clap, clap, FULL APPLAUSE, STANDING OVATION!!!

Holy. Shit. That guy just nailed that performance, from beginning to end. And let’s not overlook the last line of this video, because that is by far my favorite line – “Physical violence is the least of my priorities.”

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