Category Archives: WTF

Best Long Weekend Ever?

Correction: Worst long weekend ever. 

Wait, before I write anything, I think it’s safe to say that we probably lost all of our readers. For anyone who stuck around for the YEAR hiatus, I love you. And if you send me your address, I will send you a 8×10 picture of me for your wall and a wallet sized picture of Elizadeath as a child when she was super awkward. You can reach us at

Well back to my story. So this weekend proved to be a kick in the balls, after enduring a kick in the balls. Let’s start on Saturday, when I received a speeding ticket for going 40 in a 30 (which I actually think is a 35, I’m still researching). I was pulled over by a Massachusetts’ State Cop in my hometown. I wasn’t speeding, he’s wrong. Well, as soon as I pulled over, he asked me what I was hiding. Of course, I was confused and asked what he was talking about, which he then proceeded to make me get out of the car and sit on the hood while sitting on my hands, so he could search the entire car. Let’s remind everyone, I’M IN MY HOMETOWN, and I found out later, that people saw me getting searched. Awesome. Apparently I’m a thug now.

Now, we fast forward to Monday night. While on recon at the scene of the crime, I got a call from my girlfriend that I NEEDED to get home. Why you ask? Well there was water flooding in from our ceiling because our awesome neighbors left on vacation and turned their heat off. If anyone is new to Winter, here’s a quick summary: It gets cold at night and pipes freeze. When pipes freeze, they break. When they break, and it warms up, water now flows out of the broken pipes. Pretty simple right? Well apparently not for my upstairs neighbor. Now I’m running around like it’s Africa and Toto is blessing the rain‘s on all of the clothes in my closet.

After a few hours of playing musical buckets of water, the plumber and building manager finally arrive, break down the neighbor’s door and shut the water off. But now I’m left in the carnage that was my condo. Rusty (bloody) ceiling, holes in the wall and ceilings, and it looks like a murder happened on all my clothes. See below:

Welcome to Fuck City

Welcome to Fuck City

Murder Scene upstairs

Murder Scene upstairs

Kill shirts

Kill shirts

To top it all off, while taking picture of the damage for insurance purposes, water dripped on my cellphone promoting it to no longer allow me to hear people on the phone. At the rate I was going, I was waiting to spontaneously shit my pants. That’s about how my long weekend was going. So, I really hope Elizadeath and I can get this MDHT train rolling again, because I think it helps me keep my sanity, and right about now, sanity is all I have left.

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This made me LOL today (8/24/12)



Now those are some flaky layers that I can relate to!


Image credit to Failblog

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Miley Cyrus has turned into Robyn


I see a small resemblance, and by small I mean it looks like I’m looking at twins. I’m all for someone changing up their looks, but I think Miley looks like shit. Plain and simple. I’m no Perez Hilton, TMZ, or any style guru for that matter. I’m just a guy, with a dick, and that picture is not making it move at all. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Literally, smoke it.



I’m giving Miley 48 hours to be snapped in this outfit:

Do it Miley and I PROMISE you will gain a bagillion more fans, including yours truly.

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The image below is not safe for life


I just threw up in my mouth after seeing this image. You might only live once, but I’m pretty sure I died after seeing this.

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Someone help this boy out and date him!


Is it just me, or would Elizadeath be a perfect match for this kid!? Nothing says rebounding from a hermaphrodite like dating Elizadeath. Let’s go over this kids check list with her in mind.

Tall? Nope.

Model? Ehh not so much.

Fake tan? Nope, pale as a ghost.

Dark hair? Is blonde considered dark?

Cat Lover? I know she loves cats, so Mr. Whiskers will be all set!


Elizadeath, what are you waiting for?? Get your best vampire outfit on and find this guy!!


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Pump iron, or pump botox?



I received this LivingSocial deal today and thought this placement was pretty funny. They’re practically giving you two options. You can work out and get your body and health in shape or (cop out) pump some botox in your face and look like the second coming of Joan Rivers. I wonder how many people will skip the gym and head right to the botox?


If I inject botox into my dick will it… uhh nevermind.



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Tree that looks like the Virgin Mary, actually looks far from a virgin


Yahoo! – Hundreds of people have been drawn to a tree in New Jersey that some say contains a striking likeness to the Virgin Mary. The tree, located in West New York, NJ, has proved so popular that the local police had to build a barrier to protect it. The phenomenon began when a woman claims the tree spoke to her, saying, “I’m the Virgin.”


Am I the only one who thinks this tree actually looks like a busted vagina? Possibly one that has seen one too many “Hail Mary passes” from the football team? I hate these religious nuts that think everything in a weird shape is somehow holy. If that’s the case, I’m sure I have a poop that I can show you that looks like baby Jesus.

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Korea is pushing a sweet new exercise toy

If you practice this while using a shake weight, you’re one step away from your perfect body and dream of being ravaged in a gang bang!

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Aussie Mayo Crooks Slip Through Fingers of Authorities

That headline paints a really foul visual, doesn’t it? Fucking mayo. Anyways, it looks like there are some mayo thieves in Australia that have major coleslaw and potato salad plans: — From the land down under comes this troubling nugget of news: Aussie thieves have made off with a whopping 93 pounds of ill-gotten mayonnaise, which they purloined from a refrigerated warehouse near the southern city of Adelaide. The condiment criminals divided and conquered, absconding with two separate tubs of the stuff. Police sprung quickly to action, urging anyone who knows about people making large batches of coleslaw or potato salad to notify authorities immediately.

I wonder if the authorities have considered checking out public transportation for the mayo bandits…because I bet this chick (dude?) is the ringleader in this crime:


Yep, there goes my gag reflex!

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