Tag Archives: old people

My Grampa’s list of hated actors


So I visited my 93 year old grandfather this weekend. We were sitting at his kitchen table, shooting the shit, about random things: his lack of vision, the 23 bottles of Fresca he had in his fridge, how to make the perfect tomato salad.. the normal things, when I saw this list of names. I picked it up and began to examine it and noticed all these great actor names, Clint Eastwood, Paul Newman, Bill Murray, Bruce Willis to name a few.


So I asked, “Hey Grampa, what is this list of actor names?”

To my astonishment, he responds, “Oh, I hate those people.”

“HATE!? Grampa, you do realize that you have Dirty Harry, Cool Hand Luke, and John McClane on this list right?

no response, no expression.

“Well then, who DO you like”

“Anyone not on this list.”


And that my friends, is my grandfather, 93 years old and could give a shit what anyone things. The same guy who I watched The American President on demand that day, and commented on how good Michael Douglas was.. but his father, he was a terrible actor. I love this guy. Have a great weekend everyone.



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Anyone looking for a new hair stylist?

Yikes, you gotta feel for Trudy here. When life gives you lemons.. go find younger ones. I mean it was kind of her fault when she sent out coupons to the local nursing home. But toting your experience in roller sets really limits your clientele… I wonder if she can cut a fade?

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..and I thought Boston was bad

So about every day I get some FWD FWD email from my 89 year old grampa. Normally it has to do with something slightly racist or bashing Democrats (don’t blame him, he’s old). Also, I normally just delete them since I don’t have the time to ready “60 reasons why Obama is a terrorist.” Well, I received one today about snowfall in South Dakota, and I’ll admit I was shocked/amused. Apparently in the town of Lead, they got a shit ton of snow. How much? Well, take a look at some of these pictures that shows the massive dump.

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Old people are grosser than whores

That’s right, I said it. Old people are dirty. They smell like a combo of moth balls and Summer’s Eve; they often don’t realize that they’ve got leftover Polident in the corner of their lips; and they carry more STD’s than a co-ed freshman dorm.

ABC News–Scientists studying swingers — straight couples who regularly swap sexual partners and indulge in group sex at organized meeting — say they have higher rates of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) than prostitutes.

Dutch researchers publishing their work in the British Medical Journal showed that older swingers — those over the age of 45 — are particularly vulnerable and yet are a group largely ignored by healthcare services.

With estimates that the swinger population could be many millions across the world, the scientists said there was a risk this untreated group could act as an STI “transmission bridge to the entire population.”

During the study period, there were just under 9,000 consultations at the three clinics. One in nine of the patients was a swinger, with an average age of 43.

Overall, combined rates of Chlamydia and gonorrhea were just over 10 percent among straight people, 14 percent among gay men, just under 5 percent in female prostitutes, and 10.4 percent among swingers, they found. And female swingers had higher infection rates than male swingers.

One in 10 older swingers had Chlamydia and around one in 20 had gonorrhea.

Foul. Fucking foul. I’ve never been more disturbed in my life. This almost makes me glad I only have one grandparent on each side (at least that way I’m comforted by the fact that my g-rents are not only NOT boinking each other, but they’re not raw dogging it with other old fogies as well). Maybe I’ve gone too far with this post but enough is enough! Old folks get away with too much (ignoring traffic laws, sending insignificant amounts of money on your birthday, etc.) and I will not let them a) get more ass than me and b) eliminate the world population with their dirty, dirty nasties.

I’m starting to think that maybe it isn’t Polident in the corner of their mouths after all…

MMango: Since when is an STD called an STI? That’s all I want to say.

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